It was June 1977 when I found myself pregnant. I felt like my whole life was crashing in. Nice girls like me don't get pregnant! I had just finished my junior year in high school and had made the Honor Roll. I had started looking into different colleges. I was making big plans for my life.

What would everyone say when they found out I was pregnant? They would know what I had been doing in the first place. I had seen the shame and ridicule other girls had taken when they found themselves pregnant. I couldn't stand the thought of being publically humiliated.

When I told my parents, they "solved" the problem of embarrassment for me. They knew of a friend at work who was also a nurse. She would make arrangements for me to have an abortion.

I wasn't given any other options except abortion. I reasoned that I had already disappointed my parents once by getting pregnant, so I didn't want to disappoint them again by having the baby.

By this time I was in such an emotional state that I turned off all logical thinking processes. I let my parents take over; it was so easy to have them make the decisions for me. I gave no consideration for the baby that was growing inside me. I only thought of myself and what others would think of me.

I gave no consideration for my boyfriend, who was actually happy that I was pregnant, and said he wanted the baby. He felt it was a sure way for us to get married now. He was crushed when I aborted. He called my parents and accused them of murder. I haven't seen or talked to him since.

On the day of the abortion, my mother drove me to the clinic. First I was given a pregnancy test. It was positive. Then I was taken into a small room for counseling. I was told that a tube would suck away a "mass of cells" lying on the uterus wall. It would take only five minutes and I wouldn't feel much pain. She made it sound so easy. One minute I'm pregnant, the next I'm not.

I was taken into the examination room. The abortionist came in and another girl was there to hold my hand. I remember her as being very jolly. She had previously had an abortion, so I'm sure she thought she was helping other girls in the same situation. At the time, I thought she was wonderful; now I know better.

The abortion started. I have never felt such great pain in my whole life than what I felt in those few minutes. It was as if my whole insides were being ripped out by the suction machine. I cried through the entire ordeal.

The first feelings I had afterwards were those of relief. My problem was gone and no one would have to know. My mother and I went home. I was to continue my life as though this had never happened.

I had to spend the next three days in bed. I had plenty of time to think things over. I don't remember much of what happened or exactly how I felt, but my mother said I cried a lot and read the Bible. God was pointing me in the right direction, because I wasn't in the habit of reading the Bible.

Instead of turning from God because of the terrible things I had done, God showed me that I needed Him and the forgiveness He offers though His Son, Jesus Christ. Two days after the abortion, I trusted Jesus to cleanse me of my sins.

It was a while until I realized exactly what I had done at the abortion clinic. I knew that abortion was wrong, but the more I learned the facts of abortion, I realized I had murdered my baby. Abortion is the murder of a human life. The "mass of cells" that was sucked away was a six-week-old, pre-born baby. My baby had arms, legs, and a beating heart. The suction was so powerful that the baby was torn to bits in the process.

I have learned that it is normal to grieve for my aborted child. I'll never have the joy of nurturing him (or her). But I know that God has forgiven me and has given me a real peace that my child is with Him in Heaven.

Abortion is not something you do and then just forget; it is something I will always remember. For almost seven years I tried to hide that I had an abortion. Only through God's complete healing can I now tell people of my experience.

I am not proud of what I did. Choosing abortion was a sin. But I know that God can use my experience to keep other girls from making the same mistake, and to reveal His love for them.